Being An Actor Is A Lonely Life
by Kelley Lord
Being an actor is a lonely life
People think it is indulgent
Being an actor is a lonely life
When you’re making the ultimate sacrifice
Being an actor is a lonely life
There no money in it, or awards for most
Being an actor is a lonely life
When you’re done with a show
And everyone goes home
And you hang up your costume
But it feels like your skin
And you’re back to bare bones
Being an actor is a lonely life
It takes an immense amount of time
Sitting in a room by yourself
Studying materials
Rehearsing lines
Choreographing actions
Sewing messages into your scenes
Most of it will go unnoticed and
When the lights are on you
Most of what you rehearsed may not come to you
You deliver half of the performance you practiced
And people cheer, people cry, people pat you on the back
But it’s not at all what you worked to accomplish
And you take their praise, it might bring a smile to your face
But it’s gone once they’re gone
And it’s back to the casting sites
Back to the audition room
Back to baring it all in front of a tired casting director
Who sees nothing more than your measurements and lost soul
They see more than you’ve ever revealed to anyone
Years of trauma, years of recovery, all in a one minute monologue
I am lost in limbo until something I say raises their eyes from their clipboard
And I’ve found someone again
Someone who believes in me, who sees me
When they cast me I am both elated and skeptical, why me?
Being an actor is a lonely life
I do everything I can to bring justice to my new role
I become her, I feel for her, I fight for her
I buy her clothes with money I don’t have
And keep the tags on
I meet the rest of the cast
Some happy to be there some not
Being an actor is a lonely life
I fall in love with my love interest
I ruminate over the antagonist
I lose sleep over my imaginary problems
Because they are not imaginary
They are happening in my real life too
The struggle is always parallel
And sometimes the lines get blurred
Being an actor is a lonely life
Family and friends commend your bravery
To pursue such a fruitless career
They show up to the first few shows
But now they’re just impatiently waiting for your Netflix series
Being an actor is a lonely life
After the show there is a cast party
I meet my coworkers for the first and last time
I wish they were my friends but this life is too fleeting
See you on the next set we all say hopefully
Knowing the chances are as slim as anything else
Being an actor is a lonely life
Anyone, I mean anyone can act
But only the ones who truly learn the artform
Can bring it justice, but most viewers can’t tell the difference
They want a cheap thrill, they don’t care how it’s served
So to most, anyone can do it, and the art form deteriorates
Being an actor is a lonely life
Why couldn’t I be a teacher, a nurse, at least learn coding
Why do I love a career that doesn’t love me back
Why do I love a dream that may always stay a dream
Why do I love a feeling that comes with such a burden
Because it’s the only time I don’t feel alone.